ADOPTING AFRICAN CHILDREN

This page is for those that are adopting as Single Parents, but a lot of the same questions and issues are faced by husband and wife adoptions. Answer the following questions of yourself, you will find the answers.

Why Does A Single Person Adopt?

Some men and women feel that they can provide a better life for the children living in institutions in foreign countries, that cannot provide the basic necessities.

Often a single person finds life incomplete. They have stable jobs and a need to be loved and needed.  There is the wanting to fulfill a purpose in life. Adoption becomes a viable option for single women who cannot have children or those that have waited too late to concieve on their own and who do not want to go through the expense of infertility treatments.

The need to share is a complex human response. If you care enough about children to want to share your life with one of them, that's a healthy need.  Loneliness may be another factor in deciding to become a single adoptive parent.

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Why Single Parent Adoption Is Becoming More Prevalent?

Perhaps most is because of the growing number of one-parent households due to divorce and to unmarried women having and keeping their children. With so many children living in this type of home environment, adoption agencies have been more willing to consider unmarried men and women as prospective adopters.  While women are the primary care givers for most of these children, there are also one million single fathers in this country.

The issue of personal finances has become less important with the availability of adoption subsidies in almost every state for children with special needs.  Most of these single parents work full-time and are financially responsible for their families.  While shouldering the economic burden, they continue to maintain the home and care for the children.  This has encouraged those with limited incomes who are otherwise capable and willing to adopt to pursue adoption.

Another factor is that single adoptive parents have proven to be very successful in encouraging their own acceptance. It has been shown that it is the instability of broken homes, rather than the absence of a parent, that causes difficulty for a child.  The latest research indicates that children raised in single adoptive parent families compare favorably with other adopted children and show a healthy involvement with friends and family as well as in the activities of their age group.

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What Are the Obstacles?

Despite the greater acceptance of single parent adoption, the traditional view of parenting, that a child needs a mother and a father for healthy growth and development, still exists.

Your family and friends may be your first hurdle. They may ask if you have lost your senses.  As in the case with my mother who said, "Oh! No Its not like raising a dog".  They may not understand why anyone would assume the responsibility for raising a child alone.    Be strong!  You can't let people get you down.  This is your choice, don't let people influence you.  Wait until the child comes and you'll see how involved some of your family really get.

Agencies have varying policies in dealing with single applicants. Some don't accept them at all. Also, you must take into account the policies and procedures that fall into place with the country that you are considering to adopt.  Sometimes there is a age limit and at other times some will not accept men adopting.   If you pursue independent adoption (a path to adoption with no agency involvement) you may find that the social worker will pry more into your life because there is no mate around.  Others may put your application and request for a homestudy  on the back burner while waiting to find a couple who wants to adopt. 

Single men face even tougher scrutiny as they are asked intimate questions about their sexuality, motives, friends, and living arrangements. 

Agencies, in preparing prospective adoptive parents, stress the importance of having friends and family who can lend support and serve as a back-up system.  Going it alone is not easy.  All the responsibilities will land on your shoulders, such as caring for a sick child, picking the child up at his or her day care and choosing the right school.  Having a strong network that you can rely on will ease some of this responsibility and provide relief from the constant role of parenting.  Expect questions about how you will handle your social life once you become a parent.  This was a biggie for me.  I cannot stress enough you should express your feelings in a  straightforward manner. Be ready to face the fact that you might have to give up your adult relationship if the other party does not want to take part in the adoption (fingerprinting, police clearance and other information that is required for clearance).  You are not expected to give up your adult relationships when you adopt.  In fact it would be unhealthy for you to do so.  However, you will need to strike a new balance in your life as you juggle the new role of parent with your other roles.  It would be good for you to show that you have thought about these issues in a mature and sensitive manner.

You have to believe in yourself.   Your determination and assertiveness will make your dream come to life.  

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Who Has Adopted?

There are women and men who are highly educated with well-respected jobs, people with grown children, high school graduates with blue-collar jobs, and others who want to care for a child with special needs.  All kinds of people choose to adopt—there is no one acceptable type.  They are all capable people who have a lot of love to share. 

In spite of the many obstacles often put in their way, single men do adopt.  Adoption agencies have found that single fathers can be the best placement for boys who need strong role models and guidance in an accepting, loving environment.

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What Are the First Steps?

Research, Read, Research, Read  and then Research and Read  again.  I think that I went through these steps for the first six months before I finally made my decision and started the adoption process.

Find local parenting groups and speak with agencies in your local area to see if they have any seminars that you can attend.

Meeting or corresponding with other single parent adoptive families will help you learn more about adoption first-hand and guide you in focusing on the type of child you might consider adopting.

To learn more about the adoption situation and guidelines in foreign countries, you will have to  contact the State's Department.  They will send you information and the guidelines about the  country that you choose to adopt from.

Books on adoption in general and single parent adoption in particular may be available in your local library or book store. 

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How Do You Find the Child That You Want?

Perhaps the most important concept in searching for a child is determination. Whether you work with a public agency, pursue an independent adoption or look to another country for a child, you must be your own best advocate and stay focused on your goal of becoming a parent. This perseverance will serve you well as you enter the adoption arena.

You may still be open to considering a variety of children.  Or you may have a good idea of the type of child you are interested in adopting. Applicants must meet certain requirements, but depending on the agency, there is some flexibility in the selection process. Agencies are eager to place children with or without special needs. Stability, maturity, and flexibility are characteristics that are highly valued by agencies.  An applicant needs to be at least 25 years old and need not own his or her own home or have a large income (subsidies are available for many children with disabilities).  In assessing single applicants, social workers are particularly concerned with your plans for child  care, the kind of support network (friends and family) that can serve as your back-up, and your ability to provide male or female role models.

If you have your heart set on finding an infant or if you find that a public or private agency is not responsive to your needs or eager to work with you, there are other adoption resources available.

A number of foreign countries will consider single adoptive parents and have a wider range of children from whom to choose.  You will need to check with the State Department to find out what the guidelines are for adopting in any particular country.  Most require that an adopter be at least 25 years old. The volatile nature of the governments in these countries makes it difficult to know, with certainty, what the adoption policy will be over a long period of time.

If you are considering foreign adoption, try to find people who have adopted children from abroad and meet their children. Attend parent group meetings where children accompany their parents and look at photographs of children from other countries. A child from Ethiopia will be different that a child from Nigeria or even South Africa. See if this type of adoption feels right for you.

Those who have adopted independently cite the lack of bureaucracy and restrictive selection by an agency as a positive aspect, especially if they are adopting from outside the country.

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What Are the Costs?

Fees at adoption agencies vary. Some agencies charge no fees—these are usually public agencies where the children often have special needs and subsidies can be offered to help defray the costs of raising the child and taking care of medical expenses.

Private agencies deal with children of all ages. Private agencies operate differently from public agencies and are usually set up as nonprofit organizations with a governing board.

These expenses could include shelter, legal, or medical costs which could range from $5,000 to $20,000. I alone have spent close to $7,000.00 on my own with out the agency doing an independent adoption over seas.  The higher figure would be for a long sheltering period and for a difficult delivery and extended hospital stay.

Foreign adoptions are expensive, however they do not have to be.  If you are willing to do the most of the leg work then you can cut the cost.  While the costs in each country differ, they often are in the same range as domestic adoptions.

The costs will vary depending on whether you must travel to the country to complete the adoption, and if you must stay there for a period of time.

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What Services Are Available After the Adoption?

Bringing a child home is not the end of the process. And despite your strong motivation and readiness for the job, you may need some help in making the adjustment to parenthood.  For some children who are adopted, the adjustment period takes a few months, for others it takes years.

All children pose issues for their parents at various stages of development.  Adopted children have additional questions about their identity and heritage that will need to be addressed.  Maybe you have started to resent the demands on your time that your baby makes—you are tired and overwhelmed. You may find that your shy teenager has become belligerent, refusing to  obey the rules you have established. Or your daughter refuses to sleep at night and has nightmares when she does. She may be afraid that you are not going to keep her, if she has suffered serious rejections in the past.

Post-adoption services include support groups, therapy, workshops for adoptive families, and books and articles that address parenting issues with a focus on adoption.   Whatever the issues, there is help in the form of post- adoption services.

More and more licensed adoption agencies now offer these services and would be the first resource to contact for help. 

The Committee For Single Adoptive Parents can help you locate a local group and put you in touch with experienced single adopters. Support groups can be invaluable in providing encouragement, suggesting resources, validating your feelings, and recommending therapists.

As a single parent, it was your determination that enabled you to find a child and get through the adoption process. It is important to realize that asking for help is not a sign of weakness or an indication of failure.

Using this strength and resourcefulness to work on family relationships is a positive way to establish a new lifestyle, and one that will benefit you and your family.

Know the functions of all professionals make sure you understand the different functions of the professionals so as to invest your money wisely. 

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